Men of God: Are you seeking holiness? Part four
Are you seeking holiness? Part four
In our previous reflections, we have looked at your
role as a spiritual leader both personally and in regards your wife. Today’s reflection will focus on your role as
a spiritual leader of your children or grandchildren.
St. Paul sets the bar when he states: "And you,
fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the
training and admonition of the Lord" (Eph.
6:4). In another place St. Paul says: “Fathers, do not
provoke your children, so they may not become discouraged.” (Col 3:21)
Let us look at this from three different aspects: responsibility, accountability and possibility.
Responsibility: One of your roles is to
form your children through discipline. But meaningless rules that have no
purpose, which reflect more your anger and negative mood, only confuses your
children, rather than help them. These build up anger and resentment as well as
a sense of non-worth. One of the
beautiful signs I saw in my brother’s approach to the discipline of his
children was his availability and openness afterwards. At first, his children
were rebellious and angry at the time of being disciplined. When they settled
down, even though still crying, they wanted to know that he still loved them.
He would invite them to come into his arms, so that he could show them he loved
them, even though he had to correct them. They came to see discipline is a sign
of love.
The author of Hebrews teaches us: “At the time, all
discipline seems a cause not for joy but for pain, yet later it brings the
peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who are trained by it.” (Heb 12:11)
The author of Proverbs reminds
us: Folly is bound to the heart of a youth, but
the rod of discipline will drive it out.” (Prov 22:15)
Another way, a father can provoke his children to
anger that leads to a sense of unworthiness is to be overbearing and demanding
more and more from them. This way of fathering brings about a sense that one
has to seek your approval in order to be loved.
There is very little daily affirmation that builds self-confidence and
self-worth. How often do you truly affirm them, even for little things done
well? How often do you love them for who they are and not for what they do?
Sometimes a father can provoke anger and resentment,
fear and rejection if the father is abusive: verbally, emotionally or worse,
physically. Far lasting scars remain for years as a result of any abuse, which
is different from healthy discipline. A mind-set of self-understanding sets in
which may be continued in themselves being abusive to others. How does the
Heavenly Father treat you? This is how you are to treat your children.
The second part of Paul’s admonition states: “bring
them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.” This presumes that you are
seeking to be spiritual son under the Lordship of Jesus Christ, so that you can
be a true spiritual father under the Lordship of Jesus Christ.
Too often, fathers leave this training to their
wives to do. But it is the responsibility of both. It begins by teaching them
the importance of prayer in their daily lives. It helps them begin to read the
Word of God, in times and ways that are appropriate to their age level. It
progresses in teaching them what is right and what is wrong, by your words, but
more especially by your life-style. Whether they eventually appropriate these
instructions in their lives is not your responsibility. But if you do not give
them the adequate foundation, then they will flounder.
Ultimately you are helping them to come under the
Lordship of Jesus Christ and to grow in holiness of life.
Remember one of the questions God will ask you when
you go before him in eternity. “Where are your children in relationship to me
because of you? Are they closer to me or further away from me because of you?”
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