"When we have been deeply hurt by another person, it is nearly impossible not to have hostile thoughts, feelings of anger or hatred, and even a desire to take revenge. All of this often happens spontaneously, without much inner control. We simply find ourselves brooding about what we are going to say or do to pay back the person who has hurt us. To choose blessings instead of curses in such a situation asks for an enormous leap of faith. It calls for a willingness to go beyond all our urges to get even and to choose a life-giving response. Sometimes this seems impossible. Still, whenever we move beyond our wounded selves and claim our God-given selves, we give life not just to ourselves but also to the ones who have offended us." (Henri Nouwen) The difference between the two approaches is seeing myself as a victim or as a beloved son/daughter of God. As a victim, I can brood and allow the other to continue to dictate my emotional responses. As a son/daughter of God, I  know who I am in God's eyes, no matter what others think of me. I choose not to be a victim but a victor in Christ. Another way to say this: I choose to take the high road and not the low road.