“Strive to acquire the virtues you think others lack, and then you will no longer see their defects, because you yourself will not have them.” (St. Augustine)

We have a tendency (coming from Original Sin) to see the faults of others very clearly but to quickly gloss over our own shortcomings.  If, instead, we would spend our energy dealing with our own defects, then we will accomplish two things. First we will be seeking to grow in holiness in these areas. Second, we will be praying for the other that they too would grow in holiness, rather than be judgmental towards them. 

What changes is our focus, from fault-finding of others to correction of our own defects. What results is true self-love and true love of the other.