" Friendship requires a constant willingness to forgive each other for not being Christ and a willingness to ask Christ himself to be the true center. When Christ does not mediate a relationship, that relationship easily becomes demanding, manipulating, oppressive, an arena for many forms of rejection. An unmediated friendship cannot last long; you simply expect too much of the other and cannot offer the other the space he or she needs to grow. Friendship requires closeness, affection, support, and mutual encouragement, but also distance, space to grow, freedom to be different, and solitude. To nurture both aspects of a relationship, we must experience a deeper and more lasting affirmation than any human relationship can offer." Henri Nouwen

This is the difference between true friendship and self-friendship. The focus of the former is the other; the focus of the latter is the self. Many years ago, God taught me that to be friend is to free the other and to love the other, even when I am not included in the decision of the other. When the other feels controlled and suffocated, the person wants to run. But if the other feels free and loved, then the person will more likely to stay in the friendship.